Comfort
Sometimes, I don’t want to do anything. Today, it felt like this and I pushed myself to get through the work day. The team lead person placed me at the back where it was quiet. Thank goodness! However, it was still busy for me and I did not feel too well at all. I could barely eat and I felt nauseous throughout the shift. I managed myself well though and felt unusually cold throughout the day.
As soon as my shift ended, I went home right away and got underneath my covers. Upon doing that, I made sure to build a nice fortress and to be around my stuffed animals; my stuffed animals are like friends to me; they listen and they’re always there! — There’s my squishmallow, my humongous unicorn, my weighted unicorn, and my other cutesy unicorn that I got quite recently. I’m surrounded by many of my large comforters, and yet I’m still cold.
I’m lying here in the dark, looking forward to my day tomorrow, but I’m also too blahtastic to even get up in the morning.
Tomorrow, I’ve been assigned a shadow shift to work at a really good site where a ton of overdoses and other ‘situations’ occur. I actually look forward to this site and I’m hoping that I feel somewhat better tomorrow and that my appetite will come back. I do not feel like myself at all. Right now, I can’t even feel my stomach and I have not had an appetite all day which is odd because I’m always hungry!
Speaking of food, this can also be a comfort thing — On Sunday night before my morning shift, I ate a lot. Maybe that is why I was sick at 3 in the morning but I do not think so actually. I had my usual curry chicken with rice (yes, it was cooked properly and thoroughly) with a whole bag of pork and shrimp wontons; I had seasoned those wontons with red pepper seasoning and they were delicious. I’ve never eaten that much food before! I still, shamefully, have a ton of dishes to do, but I will do them tomorrow evening after my shadow shift. Again, I am hoping I do feel better for tomorrow.
Comfort can also look like doing art and coloring a mandala for many hours. I did that last night. It felt really good to disconnect from social media and not be so glued to my phone.
I find I’m really good at disengaging especially when I do feel overwhelmed. I was showing my art today to a few people I work with as I’m still impressed by my creations here. I challenged myself to posting a new mandala every other day and/or week so let’s see how that goes because my AUDHD will have me forgetting about this but I’m going to try not to forget! — I think this challenge will definitely help and be used as a grounding tool, especially when I’m emotionally dysregulated or shut down.
If I had all of my groovy and TY dolls here with me right now, I would also feel even better. Up until I was 20 years old, I used to play with these dolls and make up fantasy stories — These stories were inspired and based on the HBO series called, The Worse Witch. I used to watch this series repeatedly while sacrificing my social time but I didn’t really have many friends to socialize with, so that’s okay. I loved this show so much, and I just may re-watch this series again!!
My favorite character will always be Mildred Hubble as she was always up to nothing but trouble and I admired her traits. She inspired me to brave and courageous throughout my childhood growing up. I truly respect that! I also admire Ethel Hallow and Drusilla — Both characters were quite arrogant from time to time but they slowly grew on me. I think re-watching The Worse Witch many times kind of annoyed my sister and my mother but, hey, I enjoyed it so that’s what matters!
Have you ever seen the series, The Foster’s? It’s about a sixteen year old girl named Callie who has been in and out of foster care all of her life and she eventually gets a foster family- The show brings on the emotions and it is the heart warming show ever! (At least for me). I have watched every single episode repeatedly and I can script each episode out thoroughly.
I am Callie. I see myself in her. I am her.
Callie comes from a broken upbringing especially since her biological mother died in a car accident and then she was sent around from different foster homes. She’s someone constantly searching for love and reassurance. She craves connection and is too afraid to express herself even though she has a lot to say — It’s the system and how it has failed herself and her brother so, yes, I see all of Callies traits in myself. It’s a family show of comfort that I go to when I need to cheer myself up and it works.
Family can be created.
Some of us do not have a biological family to go to and that is okay. We can always create our own family along the way — This takes time but it is hella worth it! I know that I have slowly created mine over the years. The same people I have known for about six years, I consider to be my family. We have grown to understand each other and to learn and grow together every day. My family is only growing too!
Family can also look like being accepted without judgment. You can be yourself and know that someone or a few someone’s will be there when you need them. These people will also never leave our lives and they’re there for eternity.
I’ve never been too good at ending entries and I’m trying to work on this. I do want to challenge myself to post more frequently. This would definitely help with my reach!
When I first started on Medium, I had no idea how to use the platform or what I was doing.
I’ve always loved to write but I also suck at writing and I am always open to feedback and advice. We’re always learning every day! 💖🖤
Thank you for reading & do not forget to hit the like button. If you want to comment, please feel free too! What items or things are comforting to you? 🤔🤔
