Silenced
On June 13th, I had the meeting with the crown attorney for the sexual assault case against a Michael Adam’s. Even though I came out of the meeting feeling re-victimized, I’m still glad there is a police report of sexual assault for future victims. The public needs to be made aware of who this person is and to proceed with caution as necessary. I’m only helping others by talking about this.
The crown attorney informed me that the sexual assault case will be discontinued as a result of the lack of contextual detail in my two hour statement to the police. I did not talk about the BDSM and all I spoke about was inappropriate touching. I should have talked about the hitting with various implements (not just his hand), being tied down to a bed against my will, and the vibrator he used to hurt me with if I didn’t listen. I should have also talked about the BDSM bag that he sent me through text message. Who sends someone pictures of that? If I mentioned all of these details, the crown attorney would not have discontinued the case.
All I need to do is make another statement to provide those details but with what courage!? I do not have the capacity/spoons anymore to do this. I’ve lost all courage and the fight to keep on going. The system for sexual assault victims is corrupt and so backwards that we are often re-victimized all over again, and it should not be this way but, it unfortunately, is.
Providing a first statement with a very nice support worker and having her presence there helped a lot but these situations are intimating and stressful. I was asked to talk about the details and I felt ashamed which I know is quite normal for sexual assault victims. The same things that happened in May 5th happened in-depth between July 3–6 and I was inebriated each time. The last encounter with Michael Adam’s, in person, was when we got into an argument about Andrew Tate one morning and he slammed the breakfast potatoes I made for him on my kitchen counter. This had awoken the upstairs tenants and they were pretty much concerned, and they were asking if I was okay. The upstairs tenants told me that they almost called the police for my safety and this is how bad that argument was. Michael has really bad anger issues and I’m glad the police are well-informed about this because anger can detrimentally impact others and come out in unexpected means — Which I really do not want to go there but unhealed anger can even result in someone murdering a living human being. By telling the rightful authorities about this, I did well for other human beings who don’t deserve to go through what I went through.
I went for breakfast/lunch with my friend after the meeting and then joined him at his appointment to provide my own support to him. After wards, I then went home and called off my shift for the following day. This, in itself, is enough to process and I’m upset that sexual assault victims are made to feel this way and to be further re-victimized. It’s like the sexual assault did not happen and that’s how the crown attorney has made me feel. I also felt that the crown attorney did not appreciate the sexual assault case I had reported and thought it was a waste of time which it really isn’t because the I just need to provide the ‘BDSM details’ and then this case would be taken a lot more seriously. I’m afraid of testifying also but then I’m not because I’d be helping future victims and taking another rapist off the streets.
I wanted to include this article here — This is Michael’s younger brother, Richard, who was arrested and charged for luring and sexually assaulting a child. I’m going to keep sharing this for awareness. People just need to know and I’m tired of keeping everything in.
I understand that one can break their own intergenerational trauma of abuse. However, this can be very difficult to do. Breaking this cycle is almost impossible but it is possible because I am an example of doing so.
I was abused by my father who abused marijuana and alcohol. I have chosen to go no contact with that monster and I talk about it. I choose to not be that monster. When people ask, I don’t have a father and I never had a father.
When you don’t have a father, you start to form attachments to older male figures and you look up to them as fatherly figures — This is what happened. I looked up to Michael Adam’s as a fatherly figure and I don’t speak up about this too often and, recently, I’ve started too. The crown attorney, my support workers, and all of this are in my statement.
People are so sick in the head that they will do anything to fulfill their deluded fantasies fetishes, and take advantage of those with attachment wounds. It’s a sick and twisted world we live in.
I do have the opportunity to provide a second statement but with what spoons capacity?
I have no more spoons left as of right now. Maybe I will give myself the weekend to think through and to process everything. It is needed.
.. Providing a second statement may take a bit of time though because there’s so many parts and it’s like a friendship story but that friendship story ended very badly in the end.
But for awareness, this is an image of a rapist that gets to get away with what he did in terms of sexual assault:
-Mystic
