To Speak Or Not To Speak …

There’s so many things I wish I can say sometimes when it comes to my own personal challenges as an autistic individual. I also always struggle to make blog titles because I’m never sure what an appropriate title could be. There’s a ton of unprocessed thoughts in my brain at the moment and it feels like information overload. Even when my managers had us close our eyes and tune into a meditative video, I was still having trouble focusing on the video due to other distractions in the room such as the rustling of our lunches being delivered in the middle of the meditative session and I had to try extra hard to focus on the meditative video. Today was a lot though… Personally for me, I’m drained.

I don’t have the spoons at the moment and, yet, I have therapy in about 3 hours. I can barely think or process today’s team building session. It was about team building, conflict resolution strategies, and how to lead by example. I loved it, and the session was very informative and insightful. As much as I do want to take a personal day from work tomorrow, I also don’t want to be alone with my thoughts so going to work may have to do. It is what it is. I’ve also been super depressed and anxious these previous weeks and I’m trying my best to work through everything, to stay grounded, and to be around people.

There’s two really supportive people in my life right now and I feel very comfortable to open up to them about anything and I try my best to pay it forward so by helping them when they need a listening ear or a helping hand.

At the end of the day, we’re all human beings with complex needs and wants. Some of us are able to effectively communicate our needs and wants while some of us struggle to do so. I know, for myself, I struggle with open and effective communication but I’m working on that. I was transparent with my managers about my willingness to improve my communication skills.

As human beings, we are always learning and growing every day. It’s a natural human being thing — it’s a part of living and growing. Some of us process a lot longer than others. For myself, it takes me a while to retain the information and to further process what has been said. Once I do my own self reflection and processing, I’m able to take the action necessary in order to improve particular skills. Everything is progress. Although we have to keep in mind that progress is not linear.

Sometimes, we have to slow down and let others do and say what they need and want to do and/or say. We need to practice the art of letting go while prioritizing our own self care practices. At the end of the day, we have to come first. If we are drained and/or overwhelmed, how can we give to others?

As my managers said today, we can’t pour from an empty cup. Sometimes taking a day to ourselves to re-energize can help us get back to ourselves and I may do that tomorrow even though I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts. Today was a lot of information to take in but GOOD information. Today was a day where our voices, as a team, felt heard when the majority of our voices likely never felt heard before. Today was a day where our emotions were put out there and to the test as we spoke about conflicting situations and/or issues, and how to resolute certain situations.

As a team, we have to be willing to receptiveness and to open feedback. We have to be willing to try and to learn and grow from those we work with. It’s a learning process for all of us, and we’re going to come across other neurodivergent/autistic colleagues — it’s going to be difficult because neurotypicals are very different from neurodivergents. Our communication differences and sensitivities are substantial as compared to your average neurotypical. We’re hyper sensitive to our environments and we have trouble to communicate with something just so basic. If only my managers knew about my autistic struggles but I’m starting to observe and sense that they are aware of my differences and how they’re trying to bring that awareness to the workplace. I really do appreciate that.

At the end of the session today, I debriefed with my colleague’s friend, and he mentioned how I’m not as awkward as I keep saying I am. He added that I really am included on the team, and how I need to stop overthinking basically. This here is very difficult to take in and this could be a large reason for why I do have anxiety most of the time and for why I feel like an outcast. These feelings are never the greatest but that reassurance was needed today.

I voice a lot and it was tough to say what was on my mind and how I felt at times.

During the session, there were three questions that we each had to answer on our own and I thought of sharing these questions here with you guys:

1. What makes a team valuable and supportive to you?
2. How do you approach positive feedback and/or feedback in general?
3. What is a positive work environment?

Let’s begin with question #1.

In order to feel and be supported on a team, I just want to be seen, heard, appreciated, and acknowledged. I know the word appreciation hits deep here — I also value and appreciate a lot of reassurance, and I think this is an okay thing here. I do understand that not everyone will be on the same page when it comes to ‘reassurance’ and appreciation the work that our colleagues do. I know that when I’m appreciated or shown praise at work, I’ll likely do extra work and go above and beyond.

A positive work environment looks like acknowledging one another and respecting each other’s boundaries and differences without judgment. A positive work environment will look like checking in on another especially when another colleague may be unusually quiet. I think check ins in the workplace can make an exceptional difference and this strongly needs to be considered. However, if someone doesn’t want to speak or check in with their colleague, I will gladly respect their choice/preference. We’re each battling our own struggles, and, sometimes, being quiet is the easiest. A positive work environment will also look like greeting one another and asking how someone’s day as we get into the shift. I always make it a priority to do this every morning with a “good morning & happy (day of the week).” Sometimes, I like to be extra so I add humor to the morning with added positivity.

In regards to open and positive feedback, I try to be receptive. It’s important to try to have open communication as needed and to accept constructive criticism because we’re all improving particular skills, and learning & growing every day. Everyone could benefit from some type of feedback whether we agree or disagree, and nobody is perfect. Everyone is capable to receive and give feedback to others. We are learning together. Feedback is essential for growth.

And my last point before I end things —

Never judge a book by its cover. This was brought up today. I find we judge far too often, and we make assumptions before we actually get to know a situation and/or person. This can be damaging and contribute to a toxic work environment. So instead of forming these judgments/assumptions, have an open dialogue with the person(s) and try to resolute whatever the problem is, and when everyone can mediate and have a conversation for discussion.

It was a very productive and insightful day with so much to process and self-reflect on for not only myself but for my colleagues today. I was surprisingly able to provide insight to my managers and to my team members about other people’s different learning styles, processing abilities, and communication differences.

I’ve personally never spoken in-depth about all of this, but I let it out because these are the accommodations that I require I order to continuously grow and thrive in a professional work environment. I didn’t necessarily disclose that I was autistic but I worded what I needed to say to have that support from my managers, and from my team in the best way that I could.

People just need to be mindful to other people’s learning styles and processing abilities. Not everyone will interpret in the same way that we think they interpret information. Not everyone will process the same and some of us take a lot longer to process ‘bouts of information — but that also, again, has a lot to do with everyone’s different learning styles and approaches. We each learn and process very differently, and that is okay.

Thanks for reading & for the support!! If you can, please share this with someone else who could possibly benefit from this reading. 💖✨️